It was there
…in front of the admission department’s office of the college I was supposed to go and study Industrial Engineering, my best friend sat behind me waiting for me to enter and begin the admission process. Now, I’ve always been a nerdy guy - the dream of my life was to study Systems Engineering (or anything similar really), but due to my age (16 at that time) and certain economic circumstances, I was settled on focusing my career on engineering and putting technology aside as a hobby.
I entered the room and some lady in the reception desk asked me to leave momentarily because the office was already at its maximum capacity thus I needed to wait outside for a couple of minutes. As I went out, the confusion on my best friend’s face was notable. I waged my hands at him trying to show that I was supposed to wait outside for a little bit.
I really can’t tell you what exactly happened, all I remember is that as I was holding my admission papers on my hands I began to doubt what I was about to do. An urge, of an unexpected origin, started growling inside me. I repeated, unceasingly, in the back of my mind:
“Why am I here? Is this really where I should be? Isn’t there any other way?”
All these random questions I made myself before, sure enough, but the volume wasn’t as high as this time. There was something… someone maybe… calling me out of there, wishing for me to drop my papers and run somewhere else.
I then remembered a recommendation of one of my mentors during high school, he had told me that there was an institute of technology offering scholarships for a 2-year technologist career, the only problem with that recommendation is that I had to move out from home. I was 16 years old, how could I possibly choose to move out all on my own? I still couldn’t even make my bed properly every day and my only responsibility was to wash the dishes at noon. I rejected the idea - I was afraid of confronting the world heads on alone.
What did I think of that? I don’t know if you believe in God, but thinking back I am pretty sure that it was not a simple coincidence.
I decided to call my dad.
”Pa’, ¿Y si me voy a estudiar al instituto que me recomendaron? Yo quiero estudiar informática, ¡Es lo que me gusta!”
I asked him what would happen if I chose another path. I honestly don’t remember what his exact words were, but soon after the call ended I went back to where my best friend was sitting and told him “¡Vámonos!“.
And just like that, one of the most important decisions of my life came to be - and the best one so far.
I was no hero…
The decision I took is not something to be praised for nor to expect recognition from. Sure, it wasn’t an easy decision and many, many people around me wouldn’t have decided to leave everything behind just for the sake of a passion - I simply made a gamble, and it led me here, today.
If I had to be honest, when I decided not to study anything related to technology it was purely because it seemed the only reasonable option for me (and for my parents). When I changed my mind, I still had the same doubts and concerns as before, I was honestly scared to death! Meeting a lot of new people, living practically alone, studying way far from home; at 16 it seemed like I was selecting hard mode on a game where you only get one life.
Was ambition what led me to that final decision? Or did I simply have patience and hoped for the best?
At that time I didn’t think of any of that.
I finished my 2-year technologist career, started working soon after thanks to a recommendation from a teacher, now a colleague and a friend, improved my interpersonal skills, and took flight. Now I have almost 5 years of experience in what I love doing the most and almost finishing my Systems Engineering career. It went out pretty well, didn’t it?
But… the question still remains… Was I…
Ambitious?
I was different and wanted to be. I wanted people not to look down on me. I wanted to be the best of the best - to demonstrate what I was capable of. I wanted my family to be proud of me. I wanted to achieve something no one was capable of achieving before.
I wanted everything that I could have… and more!
Patient?
I knew the situation of my family and what would it have meant for me to go study far way. I was too young, I had much to learn before leaving my parents’ side. There were too many variables, too many risks, too many questions… many, many doubts. Is this the way? Am I ready to fight for it? I don’t know. I should just wait - everything will take its place in the end.
What was it?
It doesn’t matter what you think it was. As long as you understand the importance of both you should be fine - at least that’s what I’ve experienced and learned.
Sounds lazy! What do you mean Angel?
Well, for starters, has it happened to you that sometimes you tell yourself you want something and you think about it really hard but it sounds like an impossible dream? After a couple of years (maybe even less than that), you realize something… Wait, did I get what I wanted? Some of the silly dreams I used to tell my parents a long time ago had all come true just because of the decision I took that one time. Was I aware that it would lead me to achieve all those things? Of course not! I just thought “I really wanna learn more about computers” and that was it.
I wasn’t patient or ambitious. Well, if you asked me, I think it was both!
It’s extremely important to know your north, where you want to head next, what you want to get next. It is also as important (if not more), to understand and appreciate your reality, surroundings, people around you. To dance and to sleep. To laugh and to cry. To help and be helped. To explain and to listen. To want and to wait.
Some people might just want to get there.
Some other people might want to simply enjoy the ride.
In my case, I want it all!