I have always felt like age was something that wouldn’t matter to me. When I used to think about my age, and what it meant to others or to me, I realized that there was something I couldn’t understand or grasp:
Why is age so important?
Speaking in practical terms, age is a unit of measure. It is often used to also measure maturity proportionately. If you are 18, you are probably less knowledgeable about life than a person who’s in their 30s. And it just makes sense ― the more you live, the more you know; the more you experience, the wiser you become.
When I was 18, I thought that I was “more mature” than my age, and that was also the validation I received from others older than me. It eventually became how I perceived myself in the outer world and tried to live up to it. Whenever I was involved in a social situation, I focused entirely on how the mature version of myself would react, speak, behave, etc. This forced me unconsciously to act like a grown-up.
You are so mature for your age! I’m so proud of you.
But… thinking back, why was it that made others say or judge how mature I was? Was there some level of maturity according to one’s age that everyone knew but never spoke of? Are we, somehow, expected to behave in specific ways just because of the measurement of time since I was born? It was and still is, a concept so bizarre to me. My age has led others to put expectations on me, and also led me to believe that it has more to do with my way of acknowledging life than it may actually be.
Anyway, this blog is not about age ― it’s about the lessons I’ve accumulated. The reason why I mention age is purely based on the fact that it has been a deciding factor in my way of thinking and all the experiences I’ve had and, truth to be told, I have acknowledged its importance through time. Age is the vehicle through which I was able to learn all that I think I know. 25 may sound too little or too much, but for me, it sounds just right.
💭 Please bear in mind that this is merely a person’s opinion trying to give meaning to his thoughts, I am not trying by any means to pretend this is the only way to see it.
Lesson 1, it’s a matter of time
Age is just the tip of the iceberg, as the popular saying goes. What’s important here is time. Time is a concept so powerful and unique that it may just be the single most important thing we as humans have come to understand in our entire evolutionary history.
Time is complex, though, and we could even just make this entire write-up related to time and its impact on our lives. However, I’d like to give it an intimate and personal touch.
The so-called “right time”
I’m sure we all have used the phrase “the right time” somehow. We all know that there’s a right time for anything. The right time to get married, the right time to tell your friend how you felt about something he or she said, the right time to eat, the right time to leave, the right time to be… I’d dare say that almost everyone believes in the “right time” religiously.
Well, my life lesson is that the “right time” is, in fact, just the “chosen time”.
When you decide to see the right time as the chosen time, many things fall into the right place. You begin to isolate the idea that things will happen to you, and embrace the possibility that you make things happen.
I like being in control of my fate, and I strongly believe that the things that have happened to me, both bad and good, are because of me (even if I recognize some level of influence from the outside world). This wasn’t always the case, and it was only in my early 20s that I had a change of heart.
I remember when I was taking my Associate’s degree in Networking Technologies at ITLA, there was a class related to Ethics and Morality where the teacher, in a lesson, told us that maturity could only be achieved when we, as individuals, assumed full responsibility over every consequence in our lives, even if that consequence was a product of someone else’s influence.
I have never been able to forget those words. They had too much weight. How was I supposed to assume responsibility for everything, even those things I didn’t control? I couldn’t wrap my head around it: I had to be able to welcome the idea that even if someone or something else were the cause of my disgrace, it would still be my responsibility. Over the years, this was even more impossible to believe. I started to see how adults truly behave ― I was exposed to the true nature of humanity: corrupted, full of envy and anger at everything we can’t understand, without genuine empathy and collective thinking. How the fuck was I to believe that it was my fault? It was the world’s fault, not mine.
The power of choosing
Everything changed at some point. I became too conscious about my way of being and I started to realize that I had the power of change and the power to choose. Despite the consequences and the outcomes I certainly hated, and the influence of the things I couldn’t control since I was born, there was still an opportunity and potential for growth. Things had not yet been written in stone, I had some level of ownership over the next few seconds, minutes, hours, and days. If I could change those, I could become the “influence” of some future weeks, months, or years. That’s when it made sense to me ― the responsibility that my teacher was talking about wasn’t related to blaming myself for what’s happening to me right now, it was about accepting that it happened (for whatever reason) and that I can decide what’s happening after that.
See? A decision is created by choosing, and choosing is only possible if you believe that you can take action. That’s why I love the concept of the chosen time, it gives me back control over my destiny and I am no longer blaming chance, or coincidence for my shortcomings and even my merits!
My first life lesson, and a reminder to myself every day:
Believe that you can decide when the right time is, you already have the power of action. For everything else you think you don’t have control over, it’s simply a matter of time.
Lesson 2, it’s about what you believe in
It’s no understatement to say that beliefs are our most fundamental possession. So much so, that we are willing to go to war just for the sake of demonstrating we own the only true belief. Religion, history, sexuality, politics, sports, you name it! We are programmed, socially, to live based on them ― and to die for them.
Beliefs are just as necessary as they are dangerous if left unchecked. However, the very fabric that builds up our personalities is based entirely on what we believe in ― and this is extremely important to understand and recognize, it’s the answer to why we are the way we are and act the way we act.
One of the most important things to understand about beliefs is that they are different for everyone. We all have different backgrounds, experiences, and perspectives, which shape our beliefs in unique ways. It’s important to acknowledge and respect this diversity, even when we don’t necessarily agree with someone else’s beliefs.
Beliefs are not Truths
A hard thing to listen to, it’s the fact that our beliefs do not represent truths. That’s to say, not everything we believe is “true” to everyone else. It may hold some truth to you, but the reality is that its truth is only worth it to those who also believe in it.
My beliefs at some point in my life had taken away the opportunity to be empathetic towards people I strongly cared about. My stubbornness led a lot of dear friends to get away from me ― and for good reason. I’m not proud of that, although I have never really regretted it. The reason why I’m writing this is because my beliefs; good or bad, allowed me to experience these moments, and I was capable of learning from them.
Every single decision that I make, that I have made, is related to the things I believe in.
Every single decision everybody makes, that they have made, is because of their beliefs.
Who am I?
I have spent too much time pondering the question “Who am I?”. I know I am not the only one who struggles to answer that, beyond name and age. I have thought of a better way to define myself and others, and has proven to be the ideal to cultivate my curiosity instead of my judgemental nature:
“What do you believe in?”
Language is a powerful tool. Simply changing the question I have been able to abandon my prejudice and improve greatly my empathy towards others and myself. Whenever I’m in an uncomfortable situation, simply remembering this question has allowed me to re-position myself and change my point of view, just for a moment.
Although everything about us is shaped by our beliefs, opening our minds to the fact that they are the reason for our Being, can greatly improve our perception of our environment.
My second lesson, and an important one for me:
Beliefs are what define us. Beliefs are also what limits us. Understand what you believe in, and hold it dearly. Understand what you believe in, and let it go.
Lesson 3, it will never go the way you want
One of the hardest things I had to learn was that I am not in control. Life is unpredictable, but for some reason, I didn’t usually keep that in mind. I liked the feeling of understanding what was happening, and loved the sensation of knowing I could have control over everything. Needless to say, I soon realized that I was never really in control.
The power of acceptance
I learned that accepting that some things are just beyond my control can be a powerful way to find peace and happiness. It doesn’t mean that I should stop trying, but rather that I should focus my energy on what I can control and let go of the rest.
It’s okay to have goals and dreams, but it’s important to recognize that sometimes things don’t go the way we want them to. When that happens, it’s not a failure, it’s an opportunity to embrace the journey even when it takes unexpected turns and learn to find joy in the unexpected.
My third and final life lesson for this post, and something that I sometimes forget:
Control is a power that we are not meant to have. Acceptance is a power we own. We can choose, we can accept, and we can have influence over others and ourselves. Let things be, and be mindful of your behavior ― in its randomness, life is worth living as it is.
25
25 may seem too little. Not too old, not too young. A lot of things start to make sense, while some others get more complicated. A learning opportunity in every age. Anyway, these were some of my life lessons at 25.